we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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