I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every concussion has its silver lining
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
