dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
