the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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