Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
