My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
