My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
