The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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