Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
