ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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