My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
