It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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