Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
