All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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