how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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