laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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