Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
