WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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