gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
