I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
