Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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