Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
