i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
