so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
