So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
