if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
