Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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