He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
