no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
