The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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