You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
