Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
