How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
