Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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