he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
