We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
