Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
