DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
