P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
