Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
