i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
