Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
