Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
