Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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