So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
