P.S. I can't hear my feet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
