i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
