You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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