Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You were trust falling into bushes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
