she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
