Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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