We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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