so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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