Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
