this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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