Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
