he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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