I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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