Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
