I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
