I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
