..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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