the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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