I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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