His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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