Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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