Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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