guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
