You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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